Up until now I've been living in the beautiful and historic town of Canterbury in Kent. About three years ago I was however hit by an innate native lorry driver at a roundabout. The fault was definitely his as I was comfortable enough in my decision to have put my hand-break on. Having said that, I probably won't mess with any vehicle where the visual range is that heavily impaired again - especially at the size it came in!
Initially after the accident I was just relieved that no-one had died. I didn't seem to notice that the crippling neck and Lower back pain I developed a month later might actually be related in some way to the accident! My driving changed dramatically but because I couldn't remember the trigger
(often a sign of trauma) I thought I had always driven that way and convinced myself that I was just a bad driver. My partner at the time even put himself on the insurance to help me out as I was a nervous wreck behind the wheel.
(often a sign of trauma) I thought I had always driven that way and convinced myself that I was just a bad driver. My partner at the time even put himself on the insurance to help me out as I was a nervous wreck behind the wheel.
Eventually I did put two & two together and came to realise (during a conversation with a hairdresser oddly enough) that it did have a trigger and that my horror story could have a happy ending. But where exactly was the happy ending? The mere recognition of a triggering point does not necessarily signify an ending point and my happy ending seemed trapped in a complex maze with an ugly monster guarding each prospective exit point - until that is...when I moved!
The journey out of circumstantial car trauma transference (my imaginary name there) started about twenty minutes away from my mum's house just after holding my breath all the way down the motorway the day before we moved and began with a twitch which looked something like my occasional nervous types, this twitch however moved all the way down my arm and back up to my neck in time with the music and was followed by a 'whoop!' - I was dancing to the music and that dancing continued on. No longer looking like someone had stuck super-glue to the drivers seat & steering wheel I was able to relax into the familiarity of my surroundings, the key point being that these were NOT the surroundings I had had the accident and that NOTHING in my immediate environment reminded me of the accident.
Instead my surroundings reminded me of childhood, of find memories and the smell of the West Indies - I was free!
My daughter was the first one to alert me to the sudden change in driving, it was her, not myself that noticed it. I took the opportunity to teach her a short object lesson about how memory is not always tied into the intellect.
Therapeutically what does this mean? It means that no matter what we experience or acknowledge in the intellect, sometimes we just have to bring the experience or triggers into the 'real' world where we can touch and feel and smell the reality of what we remember or indeed even deny it. How will I apply this into my own practice? I'm not sure exactly how right now, but I am sure that it does signify a very real truth that not all of the healing process can take place behind closed doors and within the mind.
Let's see what that will mean in real terms.
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